The Calming Presence

It seems sometimes like over the years I've used up all the great, descriptive words that apply to my mom. When trying to convey to her how much she means to me or why I love her everything seems trite and predictable. I used to write beautiful, effervescent (albeit effusive) prose in birthday cards that would make me the butt of jokes within my family, but as an adult I've learned to be more succinct (though unfortunately I haven't been able to get past the trite).

So I think the best (and only) way to honor this woman who has played the most vital role in my life is to share those things she has taught me, the ways she has left indelible marks on my soul.

First and foremost, my mom has taught me how to be open-minded and kind. I am still amazed that she grew up in a home with strict Southern values (and strict Southern prejudices) and came out with a completely different view of the world. My mom is the kind of person you can be yourself around - you can tell her anything, you can ask her anything - and she accepts you with a warmth and grace that put you instantly at ease. Over the years many of my friends called her mom too, simply because of the way she made them feel. As a daughter who was incredibly inquisitive and was sometimes inclined to 'dip my toe in the water' of the world, my mom's fair-minded outlook was a safe haven and the reason she was always my closest confidante. She truly is the kind of person you can tell anything to. Every mother should aspire to such capability with their children.

In addition, my mom is constantly working to improve herself. Never content with the status quo, she spent the last year working full time and going through an exclusive, intense year-long program to obtain her administrator's license. At each quarter's end she would call me from school and have me log in to her account to check that her grades were posted. And every time she would hold her breath in nervous anticipation while I would laugh silently to myself. I knew what would be there - straight A's - and she never once disappointed. She worked her way through her bachelor's degree (graduating magna cum laude) and was accepted into an exclusive masters program that she completed while teaching full time - all while raising three girls. She never does anything halfway. She's smart, but she's not pretentious. She has changed lives with her teaching - and not just the lives of children. People stop me all the time to rave about my mom's lessons at church. She has a way of connecting with everyone.

Finally, my mom is a study in grace. In all our years, I have never once heard her utter a swear word. Always the mouth in my family, I could easily get a laugh out of my mom with my somewhat irreverent take on a situation, but if my mom ever wanted to repeat what I said she would either whisper the unsavory word choice, spell part of it until we got the drift, or with a nod and wink look in my direction and we all would know what she meant. She is always put together. This has been a source of ribbing in our family, as my mom never has a hair out of place or smudged make up. We tease her when she checks her reflection because no hair would ever dare stray. She wouldn't have it. She's not flashy or ostentatious, she simply believes in taking care of herself and looking her best. She conducts herself always with poise and style and the utmost decorum. She raises the bar wherever she is, and others rise to meet the standards she set. And she does it all without ever making anyone feel less than. In fact, I think she embodies the definition of grace better than anything else I can think of.

I am not done learning lessons from my mom, and I think its safe to say that at different times in my life certain lessons will stand out more than others. I've seen enough of the world to know that not everyone gets a mom who was born to nurture, teach and lead, and I don't take this gift for granted. My family is blessed beyond measure, and I am a better person when I strive to emulate my sweet mom's example. Happy birthday, and I love you (nothing too trite in that, right?).