A Case Study in Stress

I am a stress case, most of the time. A worry wart. An obsessesor over things which cannot be controlled. So it's not necessarily a New Year's resolution or anything, but I would like to produce a little less adrenaline and perhaps a bit more of a devil-may-care attitude about things. I began this idea today:

Wake up to a semi-dark room, a few minutes before 7 am but (thankfully) not to kids screaming or tattling or sticking their cold hands and feet somewhere on me. I take the few extra minutes of quiet to say my morning prayer and read a bit of my latest book. I can do this. I can be peaceful internally, quiet, calm. All is well.

I get out of bed a little before 7:30 and go and meet the kids in K1's room. K2 is jumping on the bed, naked except for her skivvies, munching on graham crackers (three violations! No helping yourself to food! No food in the bedrooms! No jumping on the bed!). I am calm. I am happy. I give her a hug and greet her with a "good morning" and suggest she put on some warm jammies. I find K1 playing under the bed with his own bowl of graham crackers. I greet him warmly as well, and suggest some breakfast.

We go downstairs. It smells very bad downstairs -- oddly bad. I locate the culprit - our 1 year old dachshund has pooped all over her kennel. It's 10 degrees outside, so I can't just leave her out there, and it's too cold to stand outside and clean the kennel. I don't have time to give her a bath because I have to get the kids breakfast and ready. No matter, I am in control. I am relaxed. These are minor problems. I put her outside long enough for her to go to the bathroom, then transfer her via towel to our other dog's large kennel downstairs.

I get the kids breakfast and check my morning email -- not too much to have to do right away. I take care of the little things and get myself and the kids ready. Only minor whining - K1 wanted to take toys to school with him (as usual) and I said no (as usual) and he whined (as usual). Whining gets on my nerves, something fierce. I'm still calm but I can feel my state of supreme peace slipping slightly away. Deep breaths. I am Zen.

I take K1 to school, and only when we're pulling in do I realize I've forgotten his coat. This sounds worse than it is - he is wearing a fleece jacket over his shirt, but if he's going to be outside for any length of time today it won't be sufficient. I run in with him and check with his teacher, who says they probably won't be outside and even if they are, they have extra coats. Ah, this new attitude is paying off. Things always work out.

We head home where I get K2 her second breakfast of the day, and remember that I haven't eaten yet either (this is common for me, and not at all good. I will often forget to eat until 1 or 2 in the afternoon and then make up for it late at night which is TERRIBLE!). I make myself some breakfast, because I am a calm, easy-going and carefree person.

My visiting teachers are 10 minutes late. Now 10 minutes isn't a big deal, except that I have a conference call immediately following their visit of which I have to be a bit early because I am going to have to jump off early to pick up K1. In other words, my schedule is non-negotiable. But when they come, they bring fresh baked banana chocolate-chip bread. I remember that I am breezy.

I start my conference call on time, but two key players are 5-10 minutes late. This means I have to race through the agenda items because I have to jump off early. It's getting hard to stay relaxed. I take deep breaths. I talk extra fast. I jump off with three minutes to spare, grab K2 minus shoes and a coat and stick her in the car to go get K1.

It is brutally cold outside, and on the way to get K1 I somehow set off the panic button on the jeep. I stand outside, growing colder by the minute, desperate to shut off the honking. It takes longer than it should. On the way back home I see a cop and very breezy-like shift my foot from the gas to the brake. I don't have to look at the speedometer to know I'm speeding because I am ALWAYS speeding. That's probably not very zen-like.

We get home and I fix the kids a snack and put on the second load of laundry. Today is laundry day, though it should have been yesterday but all I accomplished yesterday were the towels and sheets. This is nothing to stress about however, because this is the new me. I check the messages (a new job, yay!) and put the dogs outside long enough to eat.

I still haven't been paid for my November invoices, and that is causing me to stress, so I focus on that for a minute and try to overcome my worry. It's hard to do, and I feel myself derail just a bit. Truth is, there isn't much I can do about it but wait. My, this is a hard lesson for me.

I put the kids down for a nap and settle in to work, but first I decide to call Walmart to check on an item we bought online and had delivered to the store, because it saved us about $80. Aside from the financial savings however, I don't EVER recommend purchasing anything from Walmart this way. In fact, I don't recommend purchasing anything from Walmart at all. No, I'm not one of those who thinks Walmart is evil - in fact, I applaud their genius capitalism and find it all so fascinating, but I am somewhat of a snob and am happy to pay more for quality customer service which you will never receive at Walmart.

Case in point: It took 15 days to ship to the store (as opposed to the 3-5 it said it would take if we had it shipped to our house), and then we were never notified that it arrived. I called the store to check and was asked for my name, which I had to spell - about TEN times. FIRST AND LAST. My last name is not hard, btw. I had to wait on hold about 20 minutes, and then was told in a bored voice that yes, it was there and no, she didn't know how long it had been there, and yes I could pick it up and no, she didn't know if my husband could pick it up in my place. I hate her. But I am Zen, and Zen is me. We don't hate (I guess).

I then try to work, always a mistake. I think my house must emit signals when the children are sleeping that says "call! ring the doorbell! excavate land!" anything that counts as a disruption is fair game when I'm trying to work and the kids are trying to sleep. It's getting harder to stay breezy. I'm feeling pretty stormy in fact.

I take more deep breaths. And eat pistachios. I don't know if pistachios offer any secret form of relaxation, but the methodical cracking of shells helps to center me. I pick up the computer again. The phone rings again. It's a nasty cycle. K1 comes back downstairs. So much for getting work done during nap time.

I have to make plane reservations, because I am going to Scottsdale at the end of the month to help out with Superbowl parties, and Las Vegas mid-February for a major fashion conference. Booking travel stresses me, mostly because I have to figure out who is going to watch my children while I'm gone. And the trip in February is for four whole business days. That's a lot of time to ask people to watch your children. I try not to get too ahead of myself, and just focus on booking the tickets. I can't help but remember that these trips mean I'll be wearing skin tight jeans and rocker tees, hobnobbing with celebrities and fashion bigwigs. Yes, this can be exciting but it also is a bit nerve-racking, particularly given that I am SUPER TYPE A and most of these people cannot be bothered with deadlines, details and other such nuisances. But I did just get my hair done, and my new cut is just sassy enough for the red carpet I'll have to be chaperoning. I am zen again.

And now its the post-nap, before-dad-gets-home time of day which is by far the hardest, mostly because the kids haven't fully woken up from their naps and are kind of cranky and I'm kind of cranky because their naps are over and I didn't get done all I wanted to and now I have to start thinking about dinner and rearranging my evening schedule to accomplish everything I need to. The blithely low-pressure side of me is facing some serious setbacks.

And then B gets home and we sit down to dinner (and I say a quick thank you for easy-to-chop veggies like zucchini and squash because hey, you've got to be grateful for the little things) and we talk to the kids about their days and I am calm once again. And then we do something that the kids absolutely enjoy - watch a rerun of America's Funniest Home Videos - and laugh at what the kids laugh at. Pretty soon its time to tuck them into bed, and stress levels go through the roof as I try to get them to go potty, get in their pjs, brush their teeth and actually get into bed without whining and crying. Eventually I settle down with B to watch some TV, relax and (yes of course) work.

All in all, its two steps forward, one step back for this new cool-headed, serene self (for example, I'm still stressing about folding all of that newly washed laundry). But I'm not opposed to giving it another whirl, though I would be remiss if I didn't put out a warning to some unsuspecting driver or store clerk or telemarketer who crosses my path when I'm ready to uncork all of my pent up frustrations this new Zen me won't allow for. I'm just saying. You've been warned.