I've had some thoughts swirling in my head for a few days, but I'm not sure I can do them justice and I'm not sure I can write them without causing some measure of offense. But, at any rate, I'll try.
It seems that in today's world (maybe just my world, maybe just my own head, maybe its always been this way) that there is a premium placed on owning one's own mind, using one's own God-given intellect, questioning authority, shining a light on every small misstep or potentially debatable topic. Anyone that knows me knows I love a good debate and the chance to scrutinize any given topic on its moral or ethical or even just factual merits.
But I fall short of being able to apply that measure of scrutiny to my church leaders, to the scriptures, and to my faith. Now, DON'T GET ME WRONG here. I have spent a great deal of time in honest contemplation, prayer and earnest endeavor to come to the truths that I believe. But for me, once I have gained a certain level of understanding or belief, that is it. I file it away and I question no more. When I accepted that the scriptures which I read are true and of God, I have never again looked to them to prove themselves to me once again.
When I determined that I did, in fact, believe in a living prophet and that there is one who guides a church on this earth today who is the mouthpiece of God, I have not had opportunity to question or disbelieve their words or actions since. Does that mean I follow blindly, unable to tell you what my own mind is on any subject, deferring only to those in "authority" to determine my actions or attitudes on any given subject? No, I don't. Not that I think there's anything terribly wrong with that because I believe that those who can demonstrate the simple faith of a child hold a special place in heaven. I also don't think there's something terribly wrong with those who do question and ponder and wonder and struggle. Both approaches have their strengths, and their value. I think most of us have found ourselves in each position, at one time or another.
What I guess I have issues with is this seemingly smug approach to faith that says if you believe and/or accept a religion, a faith, or a belief without needing to question and scrutinize and doubt it, you must be simple-minded, lacking in depth or reason, or perhaps just brainwashed. If you accept that something just IS (though you can't explain HOW it is or you can't understand WHY it is) why is it that others feel it their God-given intellect right to look down on you for your obvious aversion to reason and your inability to question or employ any kind of Socratic-method to such important life principles? Am I somehow more stupid, more simple, because of my faith? Because I'm religious? Because I believe, with unwavering doubt? Have I sold myself short, am I ignorant, am I failing the best version of what I should be?
This isn't a condemnation of how others feel or believe, I think its just a chance for me to stand up and assert that I am none of those things stated above. I know that my Heavenly Father blessed me with a gifted mind, and I have used that intellect to come to the conclusions of the faith that I have. I know that I have questioned, have sought answers, have struggled, have been reaffirmed of the truth over and over and over again. I know I have been blessed with the gift of faith, but I also know it is my job to exercise that faith or else I could lose it. I know there are times when I am stronger than other times, and it is those times of strength that I allow to carry me through my times of weaknesses.
It is a shame to me that so many times it seems that intellect, reason, academia and science seem to struggle to go hand in hand with faith, religion, spirituality and belief. I feel like I've made a place in my life for both, I just wish others would respect that as much as I respect their choices to question, ponder and so often in the end, disbelieve.
5 comments:
As always so well put. You have a real gift.
I whole heartedly agree with what you've said. I teach in my class at church how much Heavenly Father respects and I believe, expects us to use our mind in seeking Him out and in understanding the Gospel on all its levels. I find that intellectual people tend to use doubt to govern their lives, which is an unsteady boat ultimately leading you to believe that you can believe in nothing.
Whereas faith, when correctly applied and especially coupled with a seeking MIND, leads you down the same roads as many prophets before to state that "all things testify there is a God."
oh and the caddy part of me wants to know if there was some specific incident that lead to this post. Perhaps that's not for the public forum though...but a phone call...;-)
Melin - you crack me up. No real incident, just a couple of things that got me thinking. One was a post on Feminine Mormon Housewives which is a blog I probably shouldn't read because it almost always disappoints (not because of the original posts so much, as the comments that are left). The other are people who leave a religion or belief and refer to themselves as "recovering" as if they are getting over some kind of horrible illness, or a car accident or an addiction. I guess the combination just got me thinking and wondering why I had the feelings about it that I did. And it boils down to what I said (and what you so artfully articulated as well). This idea that the justification for shunning faith comes from using intellect, and that the two can't seemingly exist together. And the idea that if you've used reason and logic to come to these conclusions then you are somehow more educated or more intelligent than someone who uses faith to come to a different conclusion. I guess it just seems more pronounced to me - this division - than ever before. And it saddens me, and puts me on the defensive which I certainly don't want to be.
Oh, and I should clarify my comments here to say that this is not a condemnation of people who have decided to leave a faith or a religion based on their own personal convictions. I know many people who have done so with grace and not as a vehicle to condemn those who choose to stay. This is directed at those who pit intellect against faith and feel superior when they do so. That's my gripe.
interesting post, nat. craig and i had a similar (sort of) discussion with craig's mom recently. we were talking about his youngest brother who is going through what could be called a "questioning period" in the church and craig's mom said she felt like she was small minded or something because she wasn't waxing philosophical all the time. but we reminded her that it is actually one of the gifts of the spirit (the gift of faith) to be able to believe without questioning and be confident and calm about your beliefs. anyway---just reminded me of this.
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