I realize that Dr. Phil would probably have lots to say for my approach of "Stop it - this is embarrassing." "The kids at school are going to laugh at you." "Nobody likes a cry baby." "This is the dumbest thing in the world to cry about." And any other harsh, critical things I can think of to say in the moment to somehow snap him out of it or - better yet - to shame him into sucking in those tears for good. I know, I know - judge away.
But in my efforts to continually strive to be a better mom, I've been thinking about why it is he acts this way. Part of it is for attention. Part of it is because he's a sensitive natured kid. Part of it is because he has to have an annoying trait, right? Otherwise he wouldn't be a 5 year old boy.
But I think a big part of it is that he doesn't want to feel obsolete. Overlooked. Forgotten. And the truth is, I get that because I often feel the exact same way. Sure, I don't burst into tears over small hiccups in my day, but I can understand what it feels like to think the world might just have forgotten you were around. Maybe life is moving on without you. Maybe not enough people need you, or even regard you. They might be baseless thoughts, but it doesn't keep them from creeping in.
And so I think maybe I can take a breath and find some extra patience for my precious K1 and his intense need to be liked, loved and needed. I get that. I get him. And maybe - just maybe - a little extra snuggling won't tie those apron strings any tighter. Maybe he will grow up just fine after all.
4 comments:
the crying and whining can be SO frustrating!! but i always love it when i feel like i have reached a new level of understanding into my kids' behavior. and i am a big proponent of extra cuddles and hugs.
I always have to remind myself that I am dealing with totally irrational human beings and the whinning is a product of being irrational. It can be infuriating. I don't judge you at all, in fact parents who let it continue are the ones causing bigger problems. Snuggling though, is a powerful and effective medicine; for mom and son. Good luck.
H always seems to worry so much that we're going to leave him places, which usually begins a torrent of tears. I'll admit that our patience with these events is less than ideal. Thanks for this post and helping me try a little harder to understand his thought process.
Just the other day I was telling someone how interesting life would be if we adults behaved like 4 year olds - cry when we felt like it, push someone out of our way, hit someone who offends us - what a crazy world we'd live in. It'd sure feel great in the moment - I guess we've come a long way from those days! Now we get to live vicariously through our kids - lucky us :)
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