Birthday Reflections

Four years and nine months ago, I was just finding out I was pregnant with you. Truth is, I was scared to death and not too happy. I've debated about letting you know about this - I didn't want you to think I wasn't happy about having you. And it really had nothing do with you - it was just that K1 was only 6 months old and I was barely starting to recover from his incredibly difficult pregnancy and delivery. Our lives were somewhat unsettled - we weren't sure what the future held and where we would live or what we would do. K1 was at a stage that was difficult for me and the day before I found out I was pregnant I was lamenting to my mom that my kids had to be at least five years apart.

So as you can see, it was a bit of a shock. But right from the beginning, I felt a distinctive connection with you. I knew right away you were a girl, and from the start you just emanated a certain confidence and spunk. You weren't exactly an easy baby, particularly when compared to K1 who was pretty easy going. There were a few nights when the crying jags had me a bit overloaded. But - maybe because you were the second child and you didn't have much choice - you learned to soothe yourself and sleep through the night at an early age.

From the start you were desperate to communicate, which is probably why you spoke so early and why tantrums with you have always been minimal. You have no problem expressing yourself with words (though for the record when you do decide to throw a tantrum you go all out). Your sense of humor is astounding for your age, and your "good" laugh, the one when you are tickled beyond belief, is one of the best sounds on the planet.

I love to just watch you - whether you're playing, or concentrating on your coloring, or reading yourself a book (with perfect story recall), or talking my ear off, or just laying next to me with your cherubic cheeks and bright blue eyes - watching you brings me untold joy.

And so I look back to four years and nine months ago, when I was so unsure, scared and plain worn out. I remember how I thought that being pregnant would derail all of our plans. I remember how I worried that I was somehow cheating K1 out of his time alone with mom and dad. And I watch you now, nearly perfect even without my clouded mother-love eyes, and I realize how unnecessary all of my fears and worries were.

You have changed our family for the best. You have brought a ray of light that is so distinctive even strangers are drawn to you. You are your big brother's best friend. You are your father's Princess Stinkbutt. You are my Angel Baby. You are, without a doubt, the very best possible thing to have ever happened to the three of us.

And yes, your underwear is always up your bum.