Streams of Conscience

Even though I haven't posted in a couple of weeks, I have been writing. I've got a few random posts where I just stopped to write what I was thinking/feeling, but then never really got back to them. So, I'll just list them all out here... there's no real rhyme or reason, and they don't all have a clear point... but here are some of the inner workings of my mom-addled brain ;).

The Spirit Is Willing
All of my primary kids were out on Sunday, which meant I didn't have to teach. Instead I got to spend a glorious day at church on the receiving end of the lesson. Very nice. And I enjoyed a wonderful epiphany as we discussed Christ's time in the Garden of Gethsemane and how, despite their best efforts, the apostles still managed to fall asleep three times during Christ's biggest hour of need. And so, the Lord admonishes them with the statement that the Spirit is willing, but the Flesh is weak.

And what I realized is that we fight that battle every day. For most people, the Spirit truly is willing. I want to do what is right, I want to grow in the gospel, I want to be an example of Christ-like love and patience and service and faith. I know the truth, I know the right thing to do, and I really want to do it. My Spirit is willing. So why do I mess up each and every day? I suppose that goes back to the fact that my Flesh is so very weak.

It's Either Far or Not Far
That title is an ode to my sister - she has some great -isms and that was one of my all time favorite responses to B and I's question when we first moved to Colorado about where something was located.

Anyhow, its appropriate for what I want to talk about today - perspectives. You know the saying that the grass is always greener on the other side? Have you ever discovered that's true about our own lives as well? Sometimes life is like a Monet painting. When you look at it up close, it can seem like a mess of to-do lists, worries, frustrations, stresses and one-steps forward only to take two-steps back kind of moments. But then when you change your perspective and look at the whole picture, things really come into focus.

I'm not sure how it happened, being absorbed as I am sometimes in the minutiae, but wow I have an amazingly blessed life. I've got two of the most wonderful children God ever made, a good husband and a wonderful marriage, a supportive and fun extended family, fabulous and loyal friendships, a firm belief in the gospel and the purpose of this life, great health, a job I love that allows me to be with my children, a comfortable home in a family-friendly neighborhood, a nice car to drive, clothes to wear, food on the table and plenty of extras. Honestly, what do I have to complain about, and is it really worth it?

Untitled
One of my favorite quotes is by Abraham Lincoln: "I do not think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday." I have to say, I agree with Honest Abe. Whenever people ask me about my pet peeves, the number one item on my list is stupid people. And right underneath that are people who either a) act dumb or b) don't think they are capable of learning something new or difficult.

I get a lot of excitement from learning - about a variety of topics. I'm certainly not going to say that I am fascinated by every subject out there, but there are a lot of things that initially I might not think I would find interesting and turn out to be quite stimulating. And, I always find knowledge has a way of feeding on itself. You learn about one thing and it helps you understand the next, etc.

I don't know why I am writing all of this - probably out of frustration I suppose. I have some friends out here who I love dearly but with whom I am the "smart" one. Certainly I appreciate the compliment, yet it doesn't quite feel so much like a compliment as something that sets me apart and makes me un-relateable. I just have a hard time understanding it. These women are by no means dumb, yet I constantly check the words I use or the topics of conversation I bring up for fear that it will again label me as too "brainy."

Yes, I love talking about my kids and I love talking church and running a household, and other random stuff. But I also love talking about politics and technology and current events and books and films. They aren't mutually exclusive are they? Of course not. I have lots of friends who prove otherwise. I think this post is just my own attempt at therapy. It's hard to whine about being called "smart", but that's not what I'm trying to do. I just don't want my intelligence and interest in learning to somehow ostracize me -- and it shouldn't. But grrr, I do feel that way sometimes.

Whatever the case, those are traits I sincerely hope to pass along to K-squared. There is nothing more fascinating to me than an individual eager to learn about the world around them. And one should never stop learning, and having a real passion to do so. It's what motivates me to keep going.